yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
