this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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