next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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