Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
