the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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