butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You made out with two different species that night
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
