Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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