just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
