Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
