no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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