Umm I'm too high to move.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
