Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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