You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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