my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
