ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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