dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
