I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
