I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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