How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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