the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
