if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
