Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
