I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
