grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize