he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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