she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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