I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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