my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
