He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
