He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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