i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
