When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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