if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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