I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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