a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
