Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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