if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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