I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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