Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
NoShamevember. You game?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
