You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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