i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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