Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
