Betty ford says i'm here all night
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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