If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
These tits shall not be calmed
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
