You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
