im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
