I accidentally burped into my bong.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
