I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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