you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The best revenge is premature balding
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You made out with two different species that night
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
