Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
