im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
