when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize