I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
