No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and she was petting her beer can
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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