You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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