i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
