Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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