I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
