I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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