Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
