But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
