so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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