Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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