i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize