made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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