Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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