im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
