I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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