Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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