Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
