Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
