I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
