We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This is my gift to your gina
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
