So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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