Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
