I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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