I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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