you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
