My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
