haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
